We are back with the second part of Hitchy Business. Today, I’m gonna discuss on the process of groom hunting. I started thinking on how painful the entire process of arranged marriage has been painted in the Indian society. Just think of the time when you go to the market in the scorching heat to buy some vegetables. Let’s take tomatoes, shall we? Now, you’ll obviously not pick up any random tomatoes into your basket. What do you check? If they’re firm or soft or hard err let’s just say – you check on the texture. Anyway, enough of Tomato Talk! Instead of tomatoes, picture well groomed guys and instead of the heat there’s the pressure. No no, I’m not checking out the texture of those guys here. K But you’d certainly wish I was because the criterions that me + my parents + my friends + my environment have put into filtering out the right guys are much more difficult than just plain texture checking. 🙁
Even if I did rule out criterion, I’d still say finding THE ONE surely is taking it out of me. Honestly, it’s the only time I actually realized the importance of Love marriage. C’mon, finding a person who’s as freaky as you and getting hitched to ‘em? That’s truly a dream come true. And it rules out the interference of your family members into choosing your soul mate (if this exists!). I guess I wasn’t bright enough to see this coming my way.
I struck up with a very worry-some conversation with my roommate (we’ll give her a pseudo name Pinki) who’s also sailing in a similar boat as I am. The stink of it is the more we discuss about this, the more we realize that we’re entering into the snake pit.
Pinki: I used to worry about spending the rest of the life with a stranger. I never thought finding that stranger would take a lifetime.
Me: That’s painfully funny. So, didja like anybody?
Pinki: Sure. Well, there’s the guy who loves his dogs more than his family. Then, there’s the other guy who shaved off his head. Ofcourse, there’s the third guy who painted his profile with all his certifications.
Me: That bad eh?
Pinki: Well, it gets worse. People should really photograph well. What’s with the glares everywhere? Do they hate making eye contact with the camera?
Me: I’m sort of judging them a bit on their profile description as well.
Pinki: Well, how much can you judge a person by words..
Me: No no, trust me you can.
I came across this profile –
Profile description: WIFE WANTED DESPARATELY. HAVE TO GET MARRIED SOON. ONLY CHILD WITH A BIKE.
Pinki: Sure. The caps is too loud.
Me: Out of all the things, you came up with loud caps as the only problem with that description?!
Pinki: Life is sad, eh. But your parents are surely making it worse for you, girl.
She’s right though. My parents are surely taking an extra mile with this thing. It’s bad enough that I cannot find a decent guy and to garnish it with their silly wants is just making it better. I happened to like some guys and I’m about to discuss them with my mother and this is what happens..
Me: Mom! I think I found a nice guy. He’s working in a similar domain as I am. And he’s smart, good looking..
Mom: Is he a manglik?
Mom: What’s his nakshatra?
Me: You’re talking to me right?
Mom: Did he score with you?
Me: Well, I haven’t really taken my relationship with him to that level, if you know what I mean..
Mom: I meant horoscope scores!
Me: Oh, that..
Mom: Also, check if he has siblings
Mom: Also, check if he is really as old as he claims to be.
Me: Well, he has hair on his head, if that counts for something.
Mom: Also, check..
Me: Mom, I’m sure he’ll check himself out with all the checking that you’re asking me to do.
*I hang up*
And that’s how my morning starts every day. I find a guy and my parents reject him. If they find a guy, I reject him. If we mutually like a guy, the Sun, Moon, Earth, Venus and probably even Pluto is waiting to reject him. Imagine losing a good guy because he has a friggin’ Pluto in his 8th house.
If the above sounded all Greek to you, I’m talking about horoscopes which probably belongs to astrology. It’s this board game format with planets scattered across it.
I was talking to a friend the other day regarding this and I shocked him to his very core. I don’t blame him. Poor guy didn’t talk to me for a week!
Friend: Anaa! What’s new with you? You seeing someone?
Me: I’m seeing many, if that makes sense.
Friend: Wow, that happening eh?
Me: Yep, totally! In the afternoons, I talk to them. At nights, I score with them. In the mornings, I turn them down or vice versa.
Friend: Err, them?
Me: I can’t recall how many though..
Friend: Are you high? What are you talking about?
Me: I’m talking about guys.
Friend: Uh huh, sure you are. So you are with these guys like in a group?
Me: Oh no no, I try them one by one.
Friend: Wokay, I have to go. Let’s talk later, shall we?
Well, that came out wrong. Can you blame me though? I’ll be sharing my encounters with a gay guy, with a normal one, with a weirdo and also men from different communities/castes/races in the next post. Adios for now! I’ve got some selection and rejection to face.